Thoughts

Here is what Jared has said about Come With Us and If You Have An Enemy:

Both chapters convey different moods and tones: C1 feels very morose with a hint of mystery and danger, whereas C2 gives off a 'calm before the storm' vibe and, with the exception of its jarring final scene, feels very retrospective.

When comparing both chapters Come With Us is very descriptive - you could possibly shorten some of the description and still tell the same story. I don't necessarily mean get rid of sentences, but to shorten or replace them with something a little snappier. Obviously it's incredibly well-written and one of the greatest things that can be said of it is that it doesn't end on a cliff-hanger.

If You Have An Enemy has perfect description yet feels a little bit like a kaleidoscope. It is more varied than C1 in its locations and events, so therefore quite a lot happens. In ways it is more interesting than C1, yet some things stand out for me: Calibre-bearer hunting being described as a "popular sport" feels cliché... and the use of blue smoke raises questions which I trust you'll address...

I like how C2 goes back in time and how the reader is thrown into the scenes; it is surprising and works brilliantly. Seth's portrayal in the two chapters is also strikingly different, yet believable - I liked this a lot.

The final scene is probably the most poorly handled thing in the entire chapter because, although interesting, jars completely with everything that previously occurred within the chapter. It's a massive shift in tone (a calibre capable of THAT, the others seemed relatively innocent). It's a good idea and the execution is by no means 'bad', the only problem is that it requires I continue reading C3 immediately after it to really appreciate it - which of course I cannot do yet. ;P Until I can this paragraph is more of an observation than a criticism.

To be honest there are no real problems to whine about... just keep on doing' what you're doing - you're onto something great here. ;)

Oh! Name a chapter after an Autechre title. XD (Haha… DON’T. !_!)

Needless to say, I am very pleased. ^^ Oh, and Chapter Two now stands at 6582 words after a revision.

Oh, and here is what Charles had to say about C2:

Another captivatin’ chapter. I did find the changing of scenes confusing, as well as the different characters - just working out who was saying and doing what at some points was a bit of a task. However, it’s always a good idea to explore the backgrounds of characters in the second chapter, and you’ve done so quite brilliantly.